Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The advice I'd give ma daughter...IF I had one LOL

I wrote this like a year ago...


So, it's 6 AM n' guess what, I can't fuckin sleep!!
And i got boredom attacked, so I decided to write a letter to my future daughter to give her when she hits adulthood I feel I should write it all down now, because when she's old enough, I'm more likely to barricade her in her room than give her rational advice.
Aaaaaaannnddd here it goes...

Dear Angel (or possibly Amanda or Magali or Brandy...I'm not sure yet!)
Hi, it's Hita here, don't call me "MOM" as it sounds VERY scarry to me!!
But come to think of it, you probably already do...
You're at that age where boys are no longer pushing you over on basketball court...they're trying to talk to you! This is because THEY WANT TO GET THEIR HANDS ON YOU my beautiful, special, precious daughter!
You may be suspicious about this sudden change in their behaviour (and you are correct!), which leads me neatly to my first piece of advice: GUYS WILL SAY ANYTHING TO SLEEP WITH YOU!!!!!
Common lies used by the male species include:
"You're the only one for me"
"I've never felt this way before"
"Those girls mean nothin to me"
The tricky bit for you is 2% of the time this will be the truth (the precise precentage will increasingly frustrate you as your life goes on, but it'll stop you just before you turn to lesbianism).
You might find a guy who appears to be THE ONE or, if not, at least someone who could be in the finals (if dating you was a reality TV show, which it is not!!). No doubt this PUNK (...sorry!) will seem reluctant to lock himself into a relationship.
This is because THERE'S A PART IN THE MALE BRAIN THAT FAILS TO APPRECIATE THE GOOD THING IT HAS and wants everything else as well.
You might have heard the saying: the grass is always greener on the other side...but that may not apply with the current drought, in the future, you might not know what grass is...

So, let me give you my next bit of advice: SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO SCARE GUYS INTO COMMITMENT. I don't mean with a knife (leave that to Mom), but with ULTIMATUMS. Guys, like crows, will sit on a fence as long as they can until you kick them to one side - DO NOT BE SCARED TO DO IT!! To guys, I mean.

There are also guys who says he'll be ready for a relationship SOON, but not now (like he says, "I'm ready to clean out the shelf in the fridge from two Christmases ago SOON, but not now" OR "I'm ready to wash the dishes SOON, but not now" See a pattern?). So, DO NOT let him give you the relationship version of hold music! Sometimes YOU HAVE TO HANG UP.
But sweetie, once you're in a relationship, I can guarantee things will be perfect. For at least TWO WEEKS. Then you'll begin to see certain things in your boyfriend that you hadn't noticed before, or (much more likely) things he's getting sloppier at concealing. They may be big things; they may be little quirks which irritates you, either way, you now face a tough question: "CAN I CANGE HIM????? OR SHOULD I CUT MY LOSSES?????"
After seeing and dealing with many of these cases, I have formulated this specific rule: YOU CAN CHANGE A GUY LIKE YOU CAN CHANGE A CAR!! What I'm saying is, if a guy was a car, you could change the seat cover, wash it, maybe give it some cool racing stripes and perhaps a new spoiler.
But when it comes to things outside your expertise, like the engine, it's time for a new model Finally baby girl, the only things you really need to remember is: GUYS ARE SIMPLE CREATURES ... They'll forget about your $2000 shoe bill when distracted by an $18 steak or 4-6 big bottles of beer. Use the basic rules you'd use on a chimps with average intellegence and you'll go far.
Finding a bloke is like finding a parking spot in Kuta beach on a hot Saturday. The right one will eventually turn up. So remind yourself to RELAX n' enjoy the drive. Turn up the music.
Cruising is far easier than parking!

Hopefully, sweetie, you'll find a bloke who sweeps you off your feet!

Best of luck, lots of love,Hita


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