Monday, September 29, 2008

Letting go...

I just got this e-mail from my therapist, to feed my addiction of "food for thought" =)

Love to share it with you all x0x0x0

To let go doesn't mean to stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off; it is the realization that I can't control another.

To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another; I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.

To let go is not to be protective; it is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny, but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and to cherish the moment.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Giving up...

I've been thinking about Bali every single day for the past 107 days.
The beach, the breeze, the blue crystal water, the white sand, the food, the people, my friends, my family and my dog. Every single day I want to give up. I want to quit.
Thinking about making a huge trouble so they will send me home, or get more and more fucked up so then I feel numb, insensitive and careless.
But then, this "super formula" pop up in my head:
20 more months to go =)


by Serena Collins

I'm running 7 minutes late behind the girl I'd like to be
While I got up at 8:05 she's up at 6:03
As I'm typing up a paper drinking coffee to wake up,
She's eaten breakfast and in bathroom doing hair and make-up.
I'm running 15 minutes late behind the girl I'd like to be
She got on Interstate 380 ten whole minutes before me!
Her speedometer read 63 while mine read 70. "Ha! I passed her at last!"
Until red and blue lights signales me "You're going way too fast!"
Now I'm running 20 minutes late behind the girl I'd like to be
Five minutes before 8:00 she slipped into a classroom seat
Thirty minutes passed; I appeared in a huff, tripping on my shoelace loops,
I handed in a paper that's been due a week or two. (Oops!)
Wait! I just realized something!
This doesn't have to be my story.
That night I hit the books and catch up on all those projects due,
I walk over to the alarm clock and set it for morning 6:02
Then at 9 pm I hit the lights and climb into my bed
But it's too early so I count cute cuddly sheep inside my head.
Nine hours later...
It's 6:02 the sun's not up, with a jump I'm out of bed
I yawn and stretch, and shout for glee
"Hey, I'm 1 minute ahead of the girl I want to be!"
I leap for victory
Because now the girl I want to be has to catch up with...

Friday, September 26, 2008

Drowning in fantasy

...long after the hangover fades and broken bottles have been swept away...

Still breathing I am!
Starring at a boring empty field outside my window.

A drunken monkey. Panic and paint elaborate pictures for me in which "it" must be doing all kinds of "wonderful things" while I'm simply living a dull and monotonous existance... *SIGH*
No more letting my imagination get the best of me! That's all it is - fantasy.

Dying a slow death...

A master at crazy-making intentionally wanting to jack you around. Taking you from the roller coaster to the placid, romantic lake, back to the roller coaster again. Strictly downhill. Like dying a slow death. Or he may be so mixed up in his own ridiculous life that he has no better deal to offer you, but the deal of following along with him in this crazy, erratic dance of the demons. His own inner demons.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Peacock VS Pigeon

I am a Peacock. And which 1 are you?

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The advice I'd give ma daughter...IF I had one LOL

I wrote this like a year ago...

So, it's 6 AM n' guess what, I can't fuckin sleep!!
And i got boredom attacked, so I decided to write a letter to my future daughter to give her when she hits adulthood I feel I should write it all down now, because when she's old enough, I'm more likely to barricade her in her room than give her rational advice.
Aaaaaaannnddd here it goes...

Dear Angel (or possibly Amanda or Magali or Brandy...I'm not sure yet!)
Hi, it's Hita here, don't call me "MOM" as it sounds VERY scarry to me!!
But come to think of it, you probably already do...
You're at that age where boys are no longer pushing you over on basketball court...they're trying to talk to you! This is because THEY WANT TO GET THEIR HANDS ON YOU my beautiful, special, precious daughter!
You may be suspicious about this sudden change in their behaviour (and you are correct!), which leads me neatly to my first piece of advice: GUYS WILL SAY ANYTHING TO SLEEP WITH YOU!!!!!
Common lies used by the male species include:
"You're the only one for me"
"I've never felt this way before"
"Those girls mean nothin to me"
The tricky bit for you is 2% of the time this will be the truth (the precise precentage will increasingly frustrate you as your life goes on, but it'll stop you just before you turn to lesbianism).
You might find a guy who appears to be THE ONE or, if not, at least someone who could be in the finals (if dating you was a reality TV show, which it is not!!). No doubt this PUNK (...sorry!) will seem reluctant to lock himself into a relationship.
This is because THERE'S A PART IN THE MALE BRAIN THAT FAILS TO APPRECIATE THE GOOD THING IT HAS and wants everything else as well.
You might have heard the saying: the grass is always greener on the other side...but that may not apply with the current drought, in the future, you might not know what grass is...

So, let me give you my next bit of advice: SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO SCARE GUYS INTO COMMITMENT. I don't mean with a knife (leave that to Mom), but with ULTIMATUMS. Guys, like crows, will sit on a fence as long as they can until you kick them to one side - DO NOT BE SCARED TO DO IT!! To guys, I mean.

There are also guys who says he'll be ready for a relationship SOON, but not now (like he says, "I'm ready to clean out the shelf in the fridge from two Christmases ago SOON, but not now" OR "I'm ready to wash the dishes SOON, but not now" See a pattern?). So, DO NOT let him give you the relationship version of hold music! Sometimes YOU HAVE TO HANG UP.
But sweetie, once you're in a relationship, I can guarantee things will be perfect. For at least TWO WEEKS. Then you'll begin to see certain things in your boyfriend that you hadn't noticed before, or (much more likely) things he's getting sloppier at concealing. They may be big things; they may be little quirks which irritates you, either way, you now face a tough question: "CAN I CANGE HIM????? OR SHOULD I CUT MY LOSSES?????"
After seeing and dealing with many of these cases, I have formulated this specific rule: YOU CAN CHANGE A GUY LIKE YOU CAN CHANGE A CAR!! What I'm saying is, if a guy was a car, you could change the seat cover, wash it, maybe give it some cool racing stripes and perhaps a new spoiler.
But when it comes to things outside your expertise, like the engine, it's time for a new model Finally baby girl, the only things you really need to remember is: GUYS ARE SIMPLE CREATURES ... They'll forget about your $2000 shoe bill when distracted by an $18 steak or 4-6 big bottles of beer. Use the basic rules you'd use on a chimps with average intellegence and you'll go far.
Finding a bloke is like finding a parking spot in Kuta beach on a hot Saturday. The right one will eventually turn up. So remind yourself to RELAX n' enjoy the drive. Turn up the music.
Cruising is far easier than parking!

Hopefully, sweetie, you'll find a bloke who sweeps you off your feet!

Best of luck, lots of love,Hita


How does it feel like...

To be held tight
When there’s something in you,

To be thrown away
When there’s nothing left to give,

To be the first thing they turn to
When they have a problem

To be the first to b lame
For the smallest cough

To be cover by dull ashes
So no one can see ur light,

To be used by a lot and hated by many

I guess i feel just like a cigarette...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


Imagine a familiar yet strange dreamlike world. Mix periods together in an anachronistic way. Revamp vintage yet fall for the grace of the ephemeral. Rediscover a youthful freshness. Invent a modern techno romanticism.

- Simplified short jacket. Flounced bolero. Shirt jacket.
- Loose, flowing pants, with raised waist. Jersey zouave pants.
- Frilly petticoat skirt. Sunray pleated skirt. Seamed pencil skirt.
- Trousseau dress with spaghetti straps. Strappy sundress.
- Simple tank top. Flowing shift top to layer. Pleated top. Flounced T-shirt.
- Loose printed cardigan. Sheer sweater.
- Details: corolla flounces, loose panels like petals.

Never had enough...

Fashion: styles of dress that are popular in a culture at any given time. Such styles may change quickly, and "fashion" in the more colloquial sense refers to the latest version of these styles.

I'm addicted to shopping!! From vintage shops to cute boutiques. From Platos to Free People to branded clothes from Europe and US such as Banana Republic, Guess, Mango, etc.
Here's some cool fashion websites that you might like: